Contains spoilers for The Traitors Ireland
I was watching The Traitors Ireland , and was surprised when one of the contestants, Katelyn, said she was a wedding celebrant. It turned out that this was a ruse (as was Katelyn’s claim to be a faithful).
In a programme built entirely on deception and carefully constructed personas, it struck me that “wedding celebrant” is a remarkably believable identity to hide behind. We instinctively associate celebrants with warmth, trust and emotional intelligence. The title suggests someone who stands at the front of life’s most important moments and handles them with care. It’s a profession that sounds reassuring.
On television, it can look as though being a celebrant is about performance. Speak confidently, tell a good story and win people over. And of course, the ability to stand up and speak clearly matters. You do need presence. But if the role were simply about delivering a convincing performance, it would be theatre.
In reality, the qualities that make a good celebrant are quieter and less visible. The work begins long before the ceremony itself, in conversations that are sometimes joyful and sometimes tender. It requires proper listening – not just noting the facts of how a couple met, or the milestones of a life lived, but understanding tone, personality and what feels authentic. At a wedding, that means shaping a ceremony that genuinely reflects the couple rather than fitting them into a template. At a funeral, it means gently guiding a family through memories when emotions are raw and words don’t always come easily.
There is also craft involved. A ceremony isn’t simply a collection of anecdotes; it has structure, rhythm and an emotional arc. It needs to feel cohesive and steady, particularly at a funeral where people are relying on someone to lead them through something difficult. That steadiness is often the most important part. A good celebrant knows how to hold a room without dominating it, how to offer calm authority without becoming the centre of attention.
So what type of person makes a good celebrant? Not necessarily the most extrovert, nor the most theatrical. More often, it’s someone who is calm under pressure, thoughtful with language and genuinely interested in people. Someone who understands that the day is never about them.
You can act a part for a while. You can project warmth and confidence. But the work of standing alongside families and couples at significant moments in their lives requires something deeper and more consistent than performance. It requires care.
And that, ultimately, isn’t something you can convincingly fake.
#traitorsIRL #weddingcelebrant